530 Quotes by Erma Bombeck

If Life is a Bowl of Cherries, What Am I Doing in the Pits?

I don't think women outlive men, Doctor. It only seems longer.

Before you try to keep up wiht the Joneses, be sure they’re not trying to keep up with you.

Making coffee has become the great compromise of the decade. It's the only thing "real" men do that doesn't seem to threaten their masculinity. To women, it's on the same domestic entry level as putting the spring back into the toilet-tissue holder or taking a chicken out of the freezer to thaw.

When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.

Some emotions don't make a lot of noise. It's hard to hear pride. Caring is real faint - like a heartbeat. And pure love - why, some days it's so quiet, you don't even know it's there....

One son appears in stereo - a transistor in one ear and the phone in the other..

There is nothing more miserable in the world than to arrive in paradise and look like your passport photo.

Some say the antique syndrome surfaced to offset the newness of the land, the homes, and the settlers. Some say the interest was initiated by a desire to return to the roots of yesterday. I contend the entire movement to acquire antiques was born out of sheer respect of things that lasted longer than fifteen minutes.