753 Quotes by Evan Esar

An instrument that sometimes expresses thought, sometimes obscures thought, but most often replaces thought.

Next time a man tells you talk is cheap, ask him if he knows how much a session of Congress costs.

We can't do much about the length of our lives, but we can do plenty about it's width and depth.

A lazy man's wife is generally the power behind the drone.

Conceit is a disease That the doctors got no cure They've done a lot of research on it But what it is, they're still not sure.

A smart mother suggests that her child bring an apple to his teacher; a smarter mother suggests that he bring a couple of aspirins.

Good teachers cost a lot; but, poor teachers cost a lot more.

The survival of the fittest is going to make some man very lonesome some day.

The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother's keeper, or his keeper's brother.