753 Quotes by Evan Esar

The best time to give advice to your children is while they're still young enough to believe you know what you're talking about.

Don't tear your hair out over a woman; it'll be harder to attract the next one if you're bald.

Think twice before you speak, and then you may be able to say something more insulting than if you spoke right out at once.

The only way to cure an egotist from bragging is by surgery--amputation at the neck.

There are two kinds of leaders: those who are interested in the flock, and those who are interested in the fleece.

Don't be a hog: the only time a hog helps the community is when he dies.

Some couples divorce because of a misunderstandin g; others, because they understand each other too well.

Communism is a form of society where the less people have to eat, the more they have to swallow.

Walking isn't a lost art: one must, by some means, get to the garage.