753 Quotes by Evan Esar

Hope is tomorrow’s veneer over today’s disappointment.

The only way to cure an egotist from bragging is by surgery – amputation at the neck.

Many a girl who can’t dance well makes up for it during intermission.

A man doesn’t have vacation problems: his boss tells him when to take them, and his wife tells him where.

The modern dance is no dance in the first place, and when you’ve finally learned it, it’s not modern any more.

Definition of a Statistician: A man who believes figures don’t lie, but admits than under analysis some of them won’t stand up either.

Egocentric: A person who has his I’s too close together.

There’s only one kind of common sense but a thousand varieties of stupidity.

The cat: an animal that’s so unpredictable, you can never tell in advance how it will ignore you the next time.