753 Quotes by Evan Esar

You can’t judge the ability of a doctor by the amount of praise the undertakers give him.

The quizzical expression of the monkey at the zoo comes from his wondering whether he is his brother’s keeper, or his keeper’s brother.

Many a wedding takes place when a man can’t afford to go steady with a girl any longer.

Sometimes the unexpected happens when you don’t expect a person to come up to expectations.

All things come to him who waits, but they are mostly leftovers from those who didn’t wait.

A girl never cares who casts the first stone at her – as long as it’s a diamond.

If you don’t like to make excuses or apologies, stop making promises.

A dictator’s chief problem is keeping the stomachs of his subjects full while keeping their heads empty.

Nowadays it’s not who wears the pants in the family, but who carries the credit cards.