753 Quotes by Evan Esar

There's only one thing worse than being driven to drink, and that's driving yourself home from it.

Too many women think Easter Sunday is Decoration Day.

The best way for a woman to preserve her wedding ring is to dip it in dishwater three times a day

In every person's conscience there is a policeman who is usually off duty.

The good old days were when football game was something that got people outdoors.

You can always tell when a pathological liar is telling the truth - his lips are not moving.

A misanthrope believes that there are only two kinds of good people: the dead and the unborn.

There are always some churchgoers whom the preacher doesn't remember from one Easter to the next.

The reason conscience has a small, still voice is that it's often a small, still conscience.