753 Quotes by Evan Esar

The less intelligence you claim, the more intelligence people will give you credit for.

More people would listen to their conscience if they could tell it what to say.

When a schoolboy has original ideas, they are usually confined to spelling.

If music is the language of the soul, jazz must be the curse words.

An anniversary is the day on which a husband behaves as he always should.

Summer is the time when it's too hot to do the job that it was too cold to do last winter.

The three most important events of human life have nothing to do with intelligence; birth, marriage and death.

With man, every effect has its causes; with woman, its because.

Brains are not a handicap to a girl because a smart girl knows enough to hide them behind a low neckline.