753 Quotes by Evan Esar

Every executive wishes he were as clever as he thinks his secretary thinks he is.

A shower isn't the only place where if you make one wrong turn you find yourself in hot water .

Even when a girl is as pretty as a picture, a man still likes to look at the frame.

Some movies are so bad, it is hard to believe they were ever released; they probably escaped.

Corn is something discovered by Indians, distributed by farmers, distilled by moonshiners, and dispensed by comedians.

A careful driver is probably the one who is still unfamiliar with the gadgets on his new car.

A married couple may reach their golden wedding anniversary without ever having thought of divorce, but not without ever having thought of murder.

Some men have alarm clocks; others have their wives elbows.

When it comes to giving charity, some people stop at nothing.