93 Quotes by Frank Carson

A girl asks her doctor, “Doctor, I’ve forgotten to take my contradictory pill!” The doctor says: “Are you ignorant?” The girl says: “Yes, three months!”

There was a man sitting in the dining room of the Titanic, he said: “I know I asked for ice, but this is ridiculous.”

A man up in front of a judge says “I don’t recognise this court.” “Why not?” “It’s been redecorated since the last time I was here.”

An Irishman’s wife gave birth to twins. Her husband wanted to know who the other man was.

I said to the waitress, “There’s a fly swimming in my soup.” She said: “You’ve got too much soup – he should only be able to paddle.”

I’m not really a homosexual. I just help them out when they’re busy.

I asked a shop owner if he could help me out. He said: “What way did you come in?”

People in Northern Ireland vote for their church, they don’t vote with their heads; it is ridiculous.

Doctor told me I’ve got two weeks to live. I said: “Can I have the last week in July and the 1st week in August?”