184 Quotes by Gabriel Iglesias

Being on TV sucks. It’s a lot of work. You memorize scripts and then you show up and they change everything. I’m a control freak. When I’m doing stand-up, I say what I want and then I get instant feedback.

I’m always ready for TV. I don’t have to edit my jokes – when you work clean, you can work anywhere.

We can choose our family. We can’t choose our relatives.

That’s one thing about my shows. I tell people, I’m not a comedian, I’m just a really funny reporter. I put my life out there and make it entertaining. By putting it out there, it helps me to deal with it, you know, so I don’t snap and so I don’t go off the handle when I get home.

I started riding the whole ‘fluffy’ train, and it’s a cute word and socially a lot more acceptable than someone saying is fat or obese. If you call a girl ‘fat,’ yo, she’ll raise hell, but if you say, ‘Aw girl, look at you, you’re fluffy,’ there’s almost a sexy appeal to it.

If I’m drinking I can either be the nicest guy ever or I’m the guy you should leave alone.

I just know you can not be on top forever. There’s always going to be the next guy, and if I’m going to go down, I’d like to know I helped the next guy take my spot. You can’t prevent the inevitable, but you can join the ship.

As far as guys who perform onstage, I love Chris Rock. I’m kind of jaded on everyone else.

My favorite people to have fun with are police officers ’cause they’re so serious, you know.