184 Quotes by Gabriel Iglesias

I drink diet coke so I can eat regular cake.

Some people can handle alcohol. You know who you are. Some people can't handle alcohol. The police know who you are.

Comedy is my passion. I'm going to do this until I drop.

If I'm drinking I can either be the nicest guy ever or I'm the guy you should leave alone.

I'm all about showing people that I'm a little messed up, I have a lot of the same problems you have. By exposing myself and putting myself out there, people can relate to me and my act won't grow stale. I mean, nobody wants to hear a comedian say, 'Life is great.'

Life is measured by how you lived it, not by the years.

I usually travel with a posse. I roll deep. I travel like a rapper, but without the artillery. We don't carry guns, we carry cookies.

Me racist? The only race I hate is the one you have to run.

I started riding the whole 'fluffy' train, and it's a cute word and socially a lot more acceptable than someone saying is fat or obese. If you call a girl 'fat,' yo, she'll raise hell, but if you say, 'Aw girl, look at you, you're fluffy,' there's almost a sexy appeal to it.