184 Quotes by Gabriel Iglesias

We can choose our family. We can't choose our relatives.

When I was a kid I did impressions and funny voices a lot. When I was telling a story I would use the voices to make it more entertaining.

I know enough football to know that's funny!

You know what I learned about Hawaiians? They're just blown up Mexicans!

I'm not fat. It's just my awesomeness swelling up inside of me.

I'm not on a diet. And it's funny cause people go 'Well, then why do you drink diet soda?' So I can eat regular cake.

When I go to dance clubs, I always dance with big girls, so we finish at the same time.

The only way I will do a sitcom is if it's hurled at me, and I don't have to work for it.

And I don't want you thinking that my girlfriend is a bad person. She is an amazing woman, the fact that I only have seven stories about her in eight years, says a lot. You know, don't get me wrong, five of them happened this year, but that's still way below the bar, you know what I am saying.