35 Quotes by Gary Reilly

When I was a teenager, most fathers tended to go berserk when I asked their daughters on a date.... I discovered that all fathers go berserk when their daughters start dating. I have to assume this was because all fathers were once teenagers at some point in their lives, so they had no illusions about whether or not the boys were “up to something.

She looked confused. She looked off-balance. That’s a technique I employ to get dates, and it always works.

I didn't offer to help him carry any of his stuff. That's the unwritten code between cabbies and movers.... It's his punishment for tricking the cab driver into playing Mayflower, because he knows he's not going to give you a tip, and so do you.

I'll take my alkaloid diuretics wherever I can get them. If there isn't a 7-11 in the vicinity, a Winchell's donut shop is Plan B. The joe at both places is almost indistinguishable, like the difference between Johnny Walker and Cutty Sark, but only cab drivers and hobos draw such fine distinctions.

... occasionally I see rich-looking women on Rollerblades gripping leashes and being towed bodily by golden retrievers. That's my kind of jogging.

I had never liked bullying of any sort, especially when an individual acquires his courage by becoming part of a faceless mob. I always say if you need fake courage, get it out of a bottle like I do.

Writers, even unpublished writers, have a tendency not to notice what’s going on around them when they are the center of attention.

Late Friday morning I was driving toward Boulder. I was seated in "Doctor Lovebeads Cosmic Wonderbus and Mobile Mercantile." That entire phrase was painted in psychedelic colors on both sides of the van. But I left out the possessive apostrophe on "Lovebus[']" in order to show my contempt for bourgeois conformity.

My imagination was running amok again. Twice in one night. This never happens when I’m sitting in front of a typewriter.