255 Quotes by George Burns

I'd rather be a flop at show business than to be a success at something I didn't like.

If you were married to Marilyn Monroe, you'd cheat with some ugly girl.

Being an actor is easy, just picture someone in a room and you outside waiting for your cue to go in. Elliot Gould's been trying that for forty years.

If you stay in the business long enough and get to be old enough, you get to be new again.

What actresses do today when they appear on the screen is what they did once upon a time for getting to appear on the screen.

Well, anybody can be a straight man if he hears well. You just have to wait for laughs. A straight man just repeats the questions and the comedian gets the laughs and you just wait for them and don't let them die completely at the tail end of the laugh.

Critics are eunuchs at a gang bang.

I've been a straight man for so many years that from force of habit I repeat everything. I went out fishing with a fellow the other day and he fell overboard. He yelled, Help! Help! Help! so I said, Help? Help? Help? And while I was waiting for him to get his laugh, he drowned.

It's one of the old show business axioms. No matter how successful you've been, there's always a younger and sexier seal coming along.