255 Quotes by George Burns

Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.

Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.

Money is the root of all evil.' Then we hear, 'A fool and his money are soon parted.' What are they talking about? If money is so evil, shouldn't it be, 'A wise man and his money are soon parted'? And another thing, how does a fool get money in the first place? I know some fools who have a lot of money, but they won't tell me how they got it, and I won't tell them.

When I was a boy the Dead Sea was only sick.

I'd rather be a failure in something that I love than a success in something that I hate.

The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and to have the two as close together as possible.

I can remember when the air was clean and sex was dirty.

Sex at age 90 is like trying to shoot pool with a rope.

No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible