255 Quotes by George Burns

  • Author George Burns
  • Quote

    There are two kinds of cruises – pleasure and with children.

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  • Author George Burns
  • Quote

    I’m very pleased to be here. Let’s face it, at my age I’m very pleased to be anywhere.

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  • Author George Burns
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    I can’t understand why I flunked American history. When I was a kid there was so little of it.

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  • Author George Burns
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    Happiness? A good cigar, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman – or a bad woman; it depends on how much happiness you can handle.

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  • Author George Burns
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    No snowflake in an avalanche ever feels responsible.

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  • Author George Burns
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    If I paid $3 or $4 for a cigar, first I’d sleep with it.

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  • Author George Burns
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    If you live to be one hundred, you’ve got it made. Very few people die past that age.

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  • Author George Burns
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    Everything that goes up must come down. But there comes a time when not everything that’s down can come up.

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  • Author George Burns
  • Quote

    I get up every morning and read the obituary column. If my name’s not there, I eat breakfast.

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