255 Quotes by George Burns

If you live to the age of a hundred, you have it made because very few people die past the age of a hundred.

In those days the best painkiller was ice. It wasn't addictive and it was particularly effective if you poured some whiskey over it.

Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're twenty-five, you can play singles. From twenty-five to thirty-five, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were twenty-eight men on the court—just on my side of the net.

Tennis is a young man's game. Until you're twenty-five, you can play singles. From twenty-five to thirty-five, you should play doubles. I won't tell you exactly how old I am, but when I played, there were twenty-eight men on the court - just on my side of the net.

It takes only one drink to get me drunk the trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

By the time you're eighty years old you've learned everything. You only have to remember it.

I takes only one drink to get me drunk. The trouble is, I can't remember if it's the thirteenth or the fourteenth.

Being a living legend is better than being a dead legend.

A good martini, a good meal, a good cigar and a good woman..or a bad woman. Depending on how much happiness you can stand.