1,246 Quotes by George Carlin

Keep in mind, the news media are not independent; they are a sort of bulletin board and public relations firm for the ruling class-the people who run things. Those who decide what news you will or will not hear are paid by, and tolerated purely at the whim of, those who hold economic power. If the parent corporation doesn't want you to know something, it won't be on the news. Period. Or, at the very least, it will be slanted to suit them, and then rarely followed up.

In labor news, longshoremen walked off the piers today; rescue operations are continuing

Politicians are put there to give you the idea that you have freedom of choice. You don't.

All the media and the politicians ever talk about is things that separate us, things that make us different from one another

I'm having fun because I don't take it (life) seriously - the only things I care about are my family, friends, work and my lady, Sally. Philosophers for a long time have said 'why are we here?' - I'm here for the entertainment. If you're born in the world, you're given a ticket to the freak show; if you're born in America, you get a front row seat.

At 68 I'm every age I ever was. I always think of that. I'm not just 68. I'm also 55 and 21 and three. Oh especially three.

I use the [vulgar] words because apparently these words do not corrupt morally. I'm from the street in New York, hung around in a tough neighborhood. It was common to curse, you make your point. It's a very effective language. I try not to overdo it. It's never to shock. I know where it fits, it's never to shock. There's no shock value left in words.

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff.

If the Reds were baseball's first team, who did they play?