1,246 Quotes by George Carlin

Humor is based on surprise, and surprise is a milder way of saying shock. It's surprise that makes the joke.

In Rome, the emperor sat in a special part of the Coliseum called the Caesarian Section

Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breathe away

Language is the most elementary aspect to our humanness, probably. In addition to that, it's the embodiment, it's the apotheosis of the human experience, it's the way we summarize ourselves.

If you think there's a solution, you're part of the problem

More people have been killed in the name of God than for any other reason.

As much as I love my family, I enjoy it when the house is empty, because then I know I'm truly alone, as we all are on the planet, after all. Every atom in us is originally from a star. And during my moments of aloneness, I'm most mindful of that; that I'm just another group of matter randomly but wonderfully arranged. That's when I feel my immortality.

Baby boomers helped me a great deal in my career. They launched me. They were there for me to sing my song to. And I'm not saying I'm better than anyone, but I think they turned that anti-authority baby boom mentality into their own enemy. Now I identify very closely with their children.

I've been a performer for a long time and I know when people are laughing from their guts, from the inside, and when their tuxedos are laughing.