1,246 Quotes by George Carlin

Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”?

What wine goes with Captain Crunch?

The habits of liberals, their automatic language, their knee-jerk responses to certain issues, deserved the epithets the right wing stuck them with. I'd see how true they often were. Here they were, banding together in packs, so I could predict what they were going to say about some event or conflict and it wasn't even out of their mouths yet. I was very uncomfortable with that. Liberal orthodoxy was as repugnant to me as conservative orthodoxy.

People are wonderful one at a time. Each one of them has an entire hologram of the universe somewhere within them.

I’m a high-tech low-life. A cutting edge, state-of-the-art bi-coastal multi-tasker and I can give you a gigabyte in a nanosecond!

Personally I would never want to be a member of any group where you either have to wear a hat, or you can't wear a hat."

When fascism comes to America, it will not be in brown and black shirts. It will not be with jack-boots. It will be Nike sneakers and Smiley shirts...

Professional soldiers are people who die for a living.

Most people with low self-esteem have earned it.