1,246 Quotes by George Carlin

Self-expression is a hallmark of an artist, of art, to get something off one's chest, to sing one's song. So that element is present in all art. It is the key to even standing up and saying, "Hey, listen to me." Self-expression can be based on looking at the world and making observations about it.

Everyone should try to scratch their name on the bomb of life.

We're having something a little different this year for Thanksgiving. Instead of a turkey, we're having a swan. You get more stuffing

A woman told me her child was autistic, and I thought she said artistic. So I said, 'Oh great. I'd like to see some of the things he's done.

If you nail a tool shed closed, how do you put the hammer away?

God bless the homicidal maniacs. They make life worthwhile.

I think TV remotes should have a button that allows you to kill the person on the screen.

Someone once said, if you scratch a cynic, and you'll find a disappointed idealist. That really rang a bell with me - because I recognized that, within me, there is this flame, of wishing it were better, wishing people had better lives, that there was more of an authentic sharing and harmony with nature.

The more syllables a euphemism has, the further divorced from reality it is.