1,246 Quotes by George Carlin

I hope no one asks me to show them the ropes; I have no idea where they are. Maybe I could pull some strings and find out.

I'm certainly a skeptic. I always quibble with people.

There are only two types of motorists: the idiots who drive slower than me, and the lunatics who go faster.

As a matter of principle, I never attend the first annual anything.

Ever wonder about those people who spend $2 apiece on those little bottles of Evian water? Try spelling Evian backward.

I love it in a movie when they throw a guy off a cliff. I love it even when it's not a movie. No, especially when it's not a movie.

An outsider longing to be on the inside is the same as the soloist longing to work in an ensemble. I get great satisfaction in being a part of the proper - for me - community. I'm uncomfortable with various social groupings and clusterings. But when I'm in the right group, doing the right thing, I get as much satisfaction out of that as anyone who does it all the time.

There is a core of loneliness. It's partly existential. Secondly, I was raised a loner. My parents were not there. My father was asked to leave because he couldn't metabolize ethanol. Actually, my mother ran away with us when I was 2 months old and my brother was 5. Real dramatic stuff: down the fire escape, through backyards. So, I sort of raised myself. I was alone a lot and I invented myself - I lived through the radio and through my imagination.

George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country.