1,246 Quotes by George Carlin

There are only two places in the world: over here and over there.

The base of evil in the world is religion of any kind

You know what I like about the American form of government? They've worked things out so that you're never far from a 7-Eleven.

hard work is a misleading term. physical effort & long hours do not constitute hard work. hard work is when someone pays you to do something you'd rather not be doing. anytime you'd rather be doing something other than the thing you're doing...you're doing hard work.

The only thing high-definition television will do is provide sharper images of the garbage.

There's this man who lives in the sky, and he has ten things he doesn't want you to do, and you'll burn for a long time if you do them. But he loves you.

Weather forecast for tonight: dark. Continued dark overnight, with widely scattered light by morning.

If the #2 pencil is the most popular, why is it still #2?

Why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways? Just to be silly!