1,246 Quotes by George Carlin

Leadership camp? Isn't that where Hitler went?

Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong.

If the black box flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn’t the whole airplane made out of that stuff?

May you all make it to a healthy 100 and a half!!

Number one, one, one on wonderful WINO.

You show me something that doesn't cause cancer, and I'll show you something that isn't on the market yet.

Life is not that complicated.

A good motto to live by: "Always try not to get killed.

People love to admit they have bad handwriting or that they can't do math. And they will readily admit to being awkward: 'I'm such a klutz!' But they will never admit to having a poor sense of humor or being a bad driver.