565 Quotes by Groucho Marx

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.

When you're in jail, a good friend will be trying to bail you out. A best friend will be in the cell next to you saying, 'Damn, that was fun'.

While money can't buy happiness, it certainly lets you choose your own form of misery.

From the moment I picked up your book until I put it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Some day I intend reading it.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an exception.

Humor is reason gone mad.

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.