565 Quotes by Groucho Marx

I don’t have a photograph, but you can have my footprints. They’re upstairs in my socks.

Bel Air, I am convinced, was laid out by some diabolic sadist who deliberately decided not to use a compass or a surveyor.

Even the intellectual crowd will have none of me. Physically, I look like one of them. Graying at the temples, I walk with a slight limp and wear thick glasses.

Why, look at me. I've worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

The only real laughter comes from despair.

Love flies out the door when money comes innuendo.

Clear? Huh! Why a four-year-old child could understand this report! Run out and find me a four-year-old child, I can't make head or tail of it.

A very interesting theory makes no sense at all.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does