173 Quotes by Harriet Lerner
- Author Harriet Lerner
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Our family of origin—the source of our first blueprint for navigating relationships.
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People's sense of self worth is pivotal to their ability to look clearly at the hurt they've caused. The more solid one's sense of self regard, the more likely that that person can feel empathy and compassion for the hurt party, and apologize from an authentic center.
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Control is an illusion—a fact you will learn very fast if you become ill, or have things fall apart in some other way. When we understand vulnerability and suffering as an essential part of being human, our individual fate can be easier to manage.
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Separateness" does not mean emotional distance, which is simply one means of managing anxiety or emotional intensity. Rather, separateness refers to the preservation of the "I" within the "we" - the ability to acknowledge and respect differences and to achieve authenticity within the context of connectedness.
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Real closeness occurs most reliably not when it is pursued or demanded in a relationship, but when both individuals work consistently on their own selves. <...> Working on the self includes clarifying beliefs, values, and life goals, staying responsibly connected to persons on one's own family tree, defining the "I" in key relationships, and addressing important emotional issues as they arise.
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When we talk about a person being a problem, rather than directly to the person, we add to the underground anxiety and make it harder for the talked-about person to behave with confidence and competence.
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trăirile emoționale intense, indiferent cât ar fi de pătrunzătoare, nu țin locul unei apropieri reale, care rezistă în timp. Intensitatea si intimitatea nu sunt același lucru, chiar dacă mulți oameni le confundă.
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Our society doesn’t promote self-acceptance and it never will. First of all, self-acceptance doesn’t sell products. Capitalism would fall if we liked ourselves the way we are now.
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- Author Harriet Lerner
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Although the connections are not always obvious, personal change is inseparable from social and political change.
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