173 Quotes by Harriet Lerner



  • Author Harriet Lerner
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    Control is an illusion—a fact you will learn very fast if you become ill, or have things fall apart in some other way. When we understand vulnerability and suffering as an essential part of being human, our individual fate can be easier to manage.

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  • Author Harriet Lerner
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    Separateness" does not mean emotional distance, which is simply one means of managing anxiety or emotional intensity. Rather, separateness refers to the preservation of the "I" within the "we" - the ability to acknowledge and respect differences and to achieve authenticity within the context of connectedness.

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  • Author Harriet Lerner
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    Real closeness occurs most reliably not when it is pursued or demanded in a relationship, but when both individuals work consistently on their own selves. <...> Working on the self includes clarifying beliefs, values, and life goals, staying responsibly connected to persons on one's own family tree, defining the "I" in key relationships, and addressing important emotional issues as they arise.

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  • Author Harriet Lerner
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    When we talk about a person being a problem, rather than directly to the person, we add to the underground anxiety and make it harder for the talked-about person to behave with confidence and competence.

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  • Author Harriet Lerner
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    trăirile emoționale intense, indiferent cât ar fi de pătrunzătoare, nu țin locul unei apropieri reale, care rezistă în timp. Intensitatea si intimitatea nu sunt același lucru, chiar dacă mulți oameni le confundă.

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  • Author Harriet Lerner
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    Our society doesn’t promote self-acceptance and it never will. First of all, self-acceptance doesn’t sell products. Capitalism would fall if we liked ourselves the way we are now.

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