27 Quotes by Helen Ellis

Write what I know, who wants to read that? If only our apartment was haunted or I was the tiniest bit possessed by the devil.

YA is about angst. Will I get that boy to like me? Will I lose the weight? Will I turn into a vampire if he just gives me a hickey? I’m an orphan! I’m a mind reader! I’m biracial! I’m gay! When I get out of high school, I’ll move to New York City, where I’ll find others like me, and then I’ll be happy and I will have it all: a career, a family, good teeth, and takeout Chinese.

I fix myself a hot chocolate because it is a gateway drug to reading.

A good bra is fine, but a great bra is life changing. It gives you the confidence of a homecoming queen. It’s a tiara for your ta-tas.

I study long-married couples and decide that wives are like bras: sometimes the most matronly are the most supportive.

I cry because I don’t have the upper-arm strength to flatiron my hair. I.

French pedicures make your toes look like fingers. You look grabby. French pedicures are for man thieves.

I break into a sweat when I find a Sharpie cap, but not the pen.

Just because you can fit into something tight doesn’t mean that you belong in it.