27 Quotes by Helen Ellis

You don’t have to chase every bird that you see.

If you don’t know what to do with the rest of your life, make your bed. If you’re going to be a couch potato, at least fluff the pillows. If you can’t afford pearls, red nail polish is your best accessory. If you don’t have time to do your nails, smile and stand up straight.

You’ve got to have brains to play dumb.

It’s amazing that the city we live in allows “pets” that belong in a sideshow, but makes it illegal for me to have a switchblade.

All we marrieds have a marriage chuckle. A marriage chuckle is a fake laugh you bring out when your spouse does something dumb that you have to pretend is charming. My.

Face it: you’re never going to get carded again, so quit asking bouncers if they want to see your ID. Quit going places where they have bouncers.

Sugar, nobody’s perfect. And when ladies try to be perfect, their periods stop.

I looked so preppy you’d guess my tramp stamp was a monogram.

Southern Lady Code: a technique by which, if you don’t have something nice to say, you say something not-so-nice in a nice way.