357 Quotes by Henny Youngman

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he’s Frank and in Chicago he’s Ernest.

Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.

My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it’s feet first!

You have a ready wit. Tell me when it’s ready.

I wish my brother would learn a trade, so I would know what kind of work he’s out of.

Nurse: “Doctor, the man you just gave a clean bill of health to dropped dead right as he was leaving the office”. Doctor: “Turn him around, make it look like he was walking in.”

She’s been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.

Hollywood called me, asking me, “How much to do a movie with Farrah Fawcett?” “$50,000” They called back, “How about $20,000?” I said, “I’ll pay it!”

Now, the band that inspired that great saying, “Stop The Music!!”