357 Quotes by Henny Youngman

Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who'll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you're in the wrong house, that's what it means.

Most women are attracted to simple things in life. Like men.

When you battle with your conscience and lose, you win. -Henny Youngman, comedian and violinist (1906-1998)

The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.

In high school football, the coach kept me on the bench all year. On the last game of the season, the crowd was yelling, We want Youngman! We want Youngman! The coach says, Youngman - go see what they want!

What is a home without children? Quiet.

This man is frank and earnest with women. In Fresno, he's Frank and in Chicago he's Ernest.

I came home, the car was in the dining room. "How did you get the car in here?" "Easy, I took a left at the kitchen."

Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.