49 Quotes by Jacob M. Appel

This is how most stories end in the hospital. Not with crash carts and sirens and electric shocks to the chest, but with an empty room, a crisp white bed, silence.

Maybe life involves the pairing of unsuitable people, those who wait and those who keep others waiting, and the key to happiness is finding the one person with whom you share the same internal chronometer.

The only thing more difficult than persuading someone else to start having sex with you is persuading yourself to stop.

Nothing spices up one's sex life like having a partner.

I used to dream of true love; now I'm open to false, but convincing....

Be optimistic. Always put on clean underwear if you're going on a date.

My mother, God rest her soul, often warned that love closes your eyes, but marriage opens them wide. I am not sure if this is fair. Closeness without conflict, as they say, exists only in the cemetery.

Choose old people for enemies. They die. You win.

Never make enemies of anyone younger or healthier than you are. They write your history.