47 Quotes by James Acaster

I used to work with autistic children, and they said a lot of funny things to me.

What if every relationship you've ever been in, is someone slowly figuring out they didn't like you as much as they hoped they would?

If you just focus on getting better, and not being the best, you have such a good time.

People like abstract art because it makes them feel clever.

I got left for Mr. Bean. I found out a year after we split up. I opened the newspaper and there was a full-page story. No one else in the history of time has ever been left for Mr. Bean.

First I stopped believing in hell, then the afterlife. Sometimes that connection is still there, and I'll feel an impulse to pray if I'm stressed or upset.

I left school and didn't go to university to be in a band.

And that, ladies and gentlemen, sums up the Fringe. Spend a year spitting your guts out writing a show, and people forget your name as soon as they walk out.

Everyone was wearing jeans, so I started wearing slacks. I'd walk on, and people would laugh before I got to the mic because I looked stupid.