85 Quotes by Jane Wagner

I feel like my life is just passing me by like two ships in the night. And I have missed both boats.

I even worry about reflective flea collars. Oh, sure, drivers can see them glow in the dark, but so can the fleas.

... it's hard to be politically conscious and upwardly mobile at the same time.

I have gained and lost the same 10 pounds so many times over and over again my cellulite must have deja vu!

Unless you are at a picnic, life is no picnic.

Sex is such a personal thing - why do we insist on sharing it with another person?

If evolution was worth its salt, by now it should've evolved something better than survival of the fittest. I think a better idea would be survival of the wittiest.

Like what's the point being a health nut by day if you're a coke head at night.

When I first came into this world, Elvis was already fat.