562 Quotes by Jarod Kintz

Reading – it’s the third best thing to do in bed.

Loneliness is the unloneliest feeling in the world, as everyone has experienced it.

I want to meet a guy named Art. I’d take him to a museum, hang him on the wall, criticize him, and leave.

She asked if I wanted to spoon with her, and I told her I didn’t want to stir things up.

I want to write my own eulogy, and I want to write it in Latin. It seems only fitting to read a dead language at my funeral.

I love having a ceiling fan, although sometimes I wish he wouldn’t cheer so loud when I’m trying to sleep.

I told her I’d wait forever for her, but that was before I found somebody else who’d give me a ride home.

If I had a dollar for every time a random woman walked up to me and tried to seduce me, I’d have 50 cents. That’s assuming drag queens are half price.

The wind blew my words away from you. So while I told you I love you, the phrase was carried in the opposite direction and landed 333 miles away in the ears of a confused farmer. He was nice, though. He sent me a kind letter saying that while he was flattered, I wasn’t really his type.