562 Quotes by Jarod Kintz

I want to be asexual, because then I could be more productive. But not reproductive.

If we spoke with our ears, and listened through our mouth, then a kiss might be the most romantic sound in the world.

I just realized my lips are inside out. They should be turned inwards, because I spend most of my time talking to myself.

Too bad Americans can’t export Awesome, because I have boxes and boxes of the stuff just lying around in my attic.

99% of the population is afraid of public speaking, and of the remaining 1%, 99% of them have nothing original and interesting to say.

She’s ultra conservative, while I am ultraviolet. I would show, but I’m beyond what anybody can see. I made her look like Helen Keller, with a wig and makeup, and I also made her look like Helen Keller in that she could look but she could not see.

I went out to eat on a restaurant’s opening night. It was packed! I guess people heard I’d be dining there and came to adore me.

In a brave and noble way, I want to sacrifice my life one day so that two of my clones can live.

I have studied the astrological musings of the mystics, and I can conclude one thing: of all things cosmic, bowling is the best.