562 Quotes by Jarod Kintz

I skimmed the pond scum with a spoon like broth in a soup bowl. Why does everything have to remind me of her?

I just bought a small condo overlooking the water. The water is in a cup, one floor below my unit.

I always keep a Ziploc bag in my pocket, and wherever I go I fill up my bag with dirt, because my goal is to be the largest land holder in the world by the time I’m 42.

I saw her standing across the room, and I thought, “Wow! Who is that sexy woman she’s standing next to?”?

I am a slave to your love. Well, more like indentured servant.

I haven’t spent my time trying to duplicate my success. But only because I haven’t had any yet.

On the scale of tomato to ketchup, my girlfriend is definitely a 57.

I want to write a book called, “Bonfires and Bras,” which follows around a young, braless feminist who struggles to adopt in air conditioned rooms, as her hardened nipples cause her excess embarrassment.

If I wouldn’t have looked under the hood, I’d have never noticed the problem. But as far as I know, the problem didn’t exist before I opened the hood. So did I cause the problem by becoming aware of it, or was it already there regardless of my ignorance?