562 Quotes by Jarod Kintz

The only gift I have to give, is the ability to receive. If giving is a gift, and it surely is, then my gift to you is to allow you to give to me.

Leave the cage open. If you love someone, give them a chance to leave. You can always lock them up again should they return to you.

She asked me how I slept. Knowing she meant quality of sleep, I said I slept naked. It’s true. Ask any of the joggers who saw me sleepwalking.

If sharks really can smell blood, then I’d imagine they’re all salivating over my erection right now.

The only time I really think is when I smoke, and I quit smoking years ago.

She said she was a nurse. I replied that she must have a lot of patience – and patients. I would have said more, but I ran out of homophones.

I wonder if rooms in an insane asylum have Do Not Disturb signs for the doors. I should hope not, because knock or no knock, every occupant in those rooms is already disturbed.

The last time somebody pointed out that cowboys ride horses, not tricycles, I shot him. Of course, I waited until another gunslinger gunned him down, but nevertheless, I still shot him.

Francis Bacon has the most delicious last name ever, followed closely by Johnny Scrambledeggs. I make love like those two guys make breakfast out of family reunions.