562 Quotes by Jarod Kintz

I have a fear of palindromes. Maybe because the only person to ever beat the hell out of me was a man named Bob.

Love is an empty bottle, and it makes my heart thirsty thinking how fast I chugged it.

I like my relationships like I like my eggs. Over easy.

Any lustful fool can love a million women, but only a real man can love one woman cloned a million times.

I called an insurance company to get a quote. They gave me one of Oscar Wilde’s best.

In high school I barely made the rodeo team. But I wasn’t good enough to start, so I just rode the bench.

I want to write the Boston Marathon of run-on sentences. And since it’ll be so long, I’ll replace all the commas with the word Gatorade, to help push people through it.

I said I’d drive to her place. But she lives in her car, so I don’t see why she couldn’t just drive her place to my place.

I want to know how watches can hold all the time in the world using only two hands.