562 Quotes by Jarod Kintz

I’m not waiting until my hair turns white to become patient and wise. Nope, I’m dyeing my hair tonight.

Death cannot stop true love. That’s why it’s pointless for me to try to murder all my adoring female fans.

I don’t want to work a 9-5 job, because 20 hours a day is just too much.

If loving someone is putting them in a straitjacket and kicking them down a flight of stairs, then yes, I have loved a few people.

Surviving cancer is cool, but surviving old age is cooler.

I’m so excited. I just bought a new file cabinet, some manila folders, some sticky note pads, and a few highlighters, and I think I’m finally ready to enter into organized crime.

I’m on a government watch list. But I’m not interested, because government watches only work twenty minutes out of every hour.

I want to replace my knees with miniature Rube Goldberg machines. That way you’ll know how difficult it is for me to simply walk out of your life.

Love is you wearing her favorite shirt of yours, just like you did yesterday and the day before. And the day before that too.