562 Quotes by Jarod Kintz

I lost a little weight over the weekend. I cut my fingernails.

Nothing, Everything, Anything, Something: If you have nothing, then you have everything, because you have the freedom to do anything, without the fear of losing something.

I don’t want to make love last, I want to make love second to last. The last thing we’ll do is cuddle.

I am the Guillotine of Love, and I will never lose my head over another woman again.

We had some good fun together, didn’t we? That’s why I’m sorry to say I’m going to have to kill you.

From the ages of 8-18, me and my family moved around a lot. Mostly we would just stretch, but occasionally one of us would actually get up to go to the fridge.

A shopping cart flipped upside down forms a cage that I use to protect myself from consumerism.

Do I attribute my success to hard work, or sunscreen? If you want the truth, maybe you should ask my new albino secretary.

When push comes to shove, I’m going to figure out that this door needs to be pulled to be opened.