562 Quotes by Jarod Kintz

Grandmother hates it when I do the “turkey dance.” Basically, I lather my naked body in gravy and then spaz out on the kitchen floor. She just doesn’t understand modern dance.

I love teamwork. I love the idea of everyone rallying together to help me win.

My two favorite colors of the rainbow are gold and leprechaun.

A counterfeit is a knock off. A cat’s tail swiping a knickknack placed perilously close to the edge of a shelf is also a knock off. How do you think my heart got broken?

I’m bilingual, speaking English and body language. I prefer the latter, because I can speak it silently and without listening and while my back is turned.

If I had a clone, he’d better be my equal, and not my better. Can you imagine how I’d feel being jealous of myself?

My birthday is on a holiday, I just have to wait until I die and they commemorate me.

I have a good ear for music, just like Van Gogh had a good ear for art.

I told you I didn’t want to go. Of course, I really did want to go, but I just said I didn’t want to go so you’d beg me to go and I could feel needed. I’m needy like that.