562 Quotes by Jarod Kintz

When our dreams were nothing more than pancake batter, I was there for her, making breakfast.

Some people try to change the world one life at a time. Others try to change the world one death at a time. And I try to change the world one bucket full of dirt at a time.

Love is like whoa! Actually, it’s closer to woe.

Yesterday I saved a baby, a boy, a man, and an old man from death, and all by simply not impregnating anybody. But I don’t consider myself a hero. Merely heroic, and also unable to reach any of my lady friends on the phone.

Half of what I write is garbage, but if I don’t write it down it decomposes in my head.

For me, it’s not about winning an award. It’s also about not even being nominated.

I want to gather up all the ink cartridges in the universe, because somewhere, mixed in with all that ink, is the next great American novel. And I’d love nothing more than to drink it.

I wish I had a crystal bowl to see into the future with. Every morning I would eat my cereal out of it while I read tomorrow’s newspaper.

I want to see an elephant hunt down a man for the sole purpose of collecting his teeth, while a chorus of typewriters sings songs that praises the bananas for their wisdom, leadership, and their high levels of potassium.