562 Quotes by Jarod Kintz

Love knows no boundaries. I wish I would have known that before I hired a cartographer to map out my romantic territory.

I want to get the words “Courage” and “Bravery” tattooed across my back, so people could associate me with those things as they read them while they chase me.

All the ideas in the universe can be described by words. Therefore, if you simply take all the words and rearrange them randomly enough times, you’re bound to hit upon at least a few great ideas eventually. Sausage donkey swallows flying guillotine, my love assembly line.

Love is like a door knob that I’ve mistaken for a shower handle, and I’m trying to turn up the heat on our relationship, but the handle won’t turn and I’ve got shampoo in my eyes and my wetsuit is dry and I started crying just as the zookeeper asked me to leave.

I believe the love shared between two people shouldn’t be secretly shared with a third. Not even if I am vacationing on the moon, and that third person is my clone.

Is there anything more pathetic than a flower that doesn’t get enough sunlight and dies, because it couldn’t get out of bed until four in the afternoon?

In the immortal words of myself, “If our destiny stems from our name, then I weep for the flower named Wilt.” Likewise, if cyborgs one day come to be viewed as so human-like that they are accepted as equals, then I cry for the cyborg named Mel T. Down.

Love is like jumping out of an airplane with no parachute. But there’s no need to be frightened, because that plane is still on the ground.

I feel like I could be the best, but I’m not going to openly admit that. At least not to any of my clones.