562 Quotes by Jarod Kintz

My love is rare, like a hornless unicorn.

I like to vote, but not be voted on. I don’t mind losing one on one, but to lose through a vote means the majority think I’m a loser.

I remember I laughed so hard I cried. But my response was half appropriate, because I was at a funeral.

I am the bathtub of love, but all Agatha ever wanted was a shower.

I want my relationship with my girlfriend to be built on trust, not toothpicks, rubber bands, and lentil beans.

Even a fool recognizes that there is great sadness in a bucket of tears. But only a wise man thinks to conserve water and use that bucket to wash his car.

The good, the bad, and the ugly basically sums up my sex life. Except that I’ve never had the good.

I’m half chameleon, half camouflage, and wholly in love with you, though you’d never be able to see it.

I want to spend less time talking about myself, and more time listening to what other people have to say about me.