562 Quotes by Jarod Kintz

To maximize love, I try to emulate an omelet. And I’m not just saying that to sound romantic.

A one dollar bill, though it weighs less than 99 pennies, is psychologically heavier.

Love will wreck your heart like a derailed train. So choo-choose your partner wisely.

Time is such a waste of time to think about, because the longer you ponder it, the more of it you lose. And before you know it, you don’t know it, because you are nothing but dusty worm food.

My girlfriend bought me a collared shirt for my birthday, mainly so I don’t get too far ahead of her when she takes me for a walk.

I once watched several criminals engage in an organized argument, while an audience of supporters cheered them on, but I was so disgusted that I had to turn off the political debate.

The sky itches and that’s why I tickled it with the feather of a bird. Do you realize it’s been 14 days since two weeks ago? Boy, time flies.

You’re disoriented. You just woke up. You’re in the future. You’ve been asleep for eight hours.

I just recently figured out how mirrors work. Pretty cool. That guy always hungrily staring at my naked body was me!