562 Quotes by Jarod Kintz

I’m willing to die for the woman I love. I just want to take 75 years to do it.

I want to scream sometimes, because I hate when people refer to a dead person as the “late” so and so. I’m sorry to break that bad news, but that person isn’t just late – they’re not even coming!

Would you agree with the statement: Love is a hamburger? If yes, would you like to add cheese for only 99 cents?

Patience and wisdom walk hand in hand, like two one-armed lovers.

My words and my ideas are my property, and I’ll keep and protect them as surely as I do my stable of unicorns.

I didn’t fire my gun. I gave it a promotion.

I want to grow a tan and an accent, then dig it out of my garden and staple it to my naked body. I like Salmon Rushdie like a bear would. Especially with a honey glaze.

If I told you I’ve worked hard to get where I’m at, I’d be lying, because I have no idea where I am right now.

The only reason my wife agreed to marry me is because Christian Bale wasn’t around to propose to her.