562 Quotes by Jarod Kintz

I want to keep a human mouth on my coffee table. It’ll be a great conversation starter.

I used to think I knew what love was, but here recently it has been revealed to me that what I thought was love, was actually lasagna. Still, I cling to my maxim: love is tasty.

Agatha loved military men. Actually, she loved men in uniform. And my bowling league outfit used to drive her wild with desire.

Spelling Bees are useless and unnecessary competitions. Before Microsoft Word and Google, Spelling Bees had value, but now they are all superflewus.

The sky was as blue as orange could get. I love sunsets at noon, and forks disguised as spoons.

I don’t drink water, because if water can erode rock, think what it can do to flesh.

I want to be more like James Bond, and less like Ian Fleming.

I don’t demand much. All I expect is for you to love me so much you kill yourself just to get my attention.

It’s a fact that when it comes to dating, men are all visual. Well, except blind men.