562 Quotes by Jarod Kintz

In the land of Gibberish, the man who makes sense, the man who speaks clearly, clearly speaks nonsense.

People don’t blush when they’re embarrassed. White people blush when they’re embarrassed. Why so embarrassed, white people? Any skeletons in your closet? Oh yeah, that’s right – we’ve got more skeletons in our closet than anybody.

I thirst for love like a camel thirsts for water. I’m going through a desert right now, but I’m searching for the oasis of my life.

I want to read the employment section of the Bible. I think it’s simply called Job.

She had two lips like strawberries, and the seeds gave her kisses texture. I preferred kissing her over two scoops of vanilla ice cream.

I like wearing a blindfold while watching movies, so that I can focus on the dialogue. My favorite flicks are the silent movies.

I would pour you a glass of wine, but wouldn’t it be more romantic if you sipped it out of my armpit?

Artists exist to show us the world. So do windows.

Sleeping in a tinfoil suit keeps me warmer and helps prepare me for my voyage to the moon. Would you care for some licorice?