562 Quotes by Jarod Kintz

I loved her as long as a midget. It was gruesome, and then I grew some.

The book “Little Women,” what, is that about midgets? I freaking love midgets.

The morning always has a way of creeping up on me and peeking in my bedroom windows. The sunrise is such a pervert.

If I saw you hitchhiking, I’d smile and return your thumb’s up, just for you doing such a great job of being a positive roadside influence.

I was going to change my clothes, but I changed my mind instead.

Selling something only to steal it back to sell again is not only dishonest, but highly profitable.

I want to create a seventeen-syllable word that encompasses the human condition, and then use that word to form the world’s most perfect haiku.

Love is the most amazing feeling in the world. Let me double check. Yep, love is a feeling.

Someday I want to write a sixteen-syllable Haiku about the death and disappearance of a monosyllabic word.